After a busy day, there’s nothing we want more than to learn how to relax before bed: to slow down, unwind, and prepare our body and mind for a good night’s sleep. But the modern world seems designed precisely to prevent us from achieving this.
Sleep is the time when our minds and bodies repair themselves, process trauma, and build new muscle. Disrupting this has unpleasant consequences, from increasing your risk of cancer to affecting your ability to concentrate at work or with your children.
Experts talk a lot about “ sleep hygiene,” which is basically how we prepare for sleep, including how we relax and the physical environment we create for rest. This ranges from too much light in the room to going to sleep when we’re not ready, or even sleeping on a mattress that’s too firm or soft, depending on our preferences.
You can control some things, but external factors can often complicate our attempts to rest, especially when what’s keeping you awake is in your head, not in the room. To help you wake up feeling your best, here’s how to relax when…
Jetlag has you revved up to the max
Jetlag isn’t just an inconvenience; it’s a recognized sleep disorder, and Alison Gardiner, founder of Sleepstation, deals with it regularly.
“Our bodies aren’t designed to adapt to the shortening or lengthening of the day that occurs when we travel between multiple time zones, which throws our circadian rhythms out of sync,” he says.
In addition to keeping you awake or making you feel tired at odd hours, jetlag can alter your appetite and reduce your physical and mental performance, which can be frustrating if you’re trying to get back to your work or exercise routine after a relaxing vacation.
“As a general rule, it takes about 1 to 1.5 days to recover for each time zone you cross,” says Gardiner. For example, it can take more than a week to get back to normal after a flight from New York to London. Sunlight can reset our internal clock, so get outside during the day and avoid going to bed while it’s still daylight.
You can also prevent jet lag during your trip. Gardiner recommends setting your watch to the local time before boarding the plane and eating your in-flight meals according to this new schedule. Choose a window seat and keep the curtain open to expose yourself to sunlight. If it’s nighttime when you arrive, go to bed as early as possible and set an alarm for your usual wake-up time.
“ Dehydration worsens jet lag, so drink plenty of water and avoid excessive alcohol consumption during the flight and upon landing,” he advises.
Doomscrolling at 3 in the morning
It’s good to be informed about what’s happening in the world, but not when that includes plane crashes, Trump plotting to invade Greenland, and the latest local political scandals.
“ The main problem with doomscrolling is that it activates the fight-or-flight system and releases cortisol at night, when none should be released,” says Dave Gibson, founder of thesleepsite.co.uk.
Stressful news stresses us out, but so does scrolling through bright, exciting content when we should be relaxing. Our bodies aren’t designed for this. Imagine your caveman ancestors scrolling through TikTok: they’d be hysterical, and rightfully so.
“ Cortisol then makes us feel more alert and keeps us awake,” Gibson says. “At night, that’s the last thing you need.”
Putting away your phone is an obvious solution, but if you’ve already done that and still can’t sleep, Gibson recommends visualizing a familiar place where you feel safe and happy. This can counteract cortisol, slowly relaxing your brain until you drift off to sleep. And if that imaginary place is a sheep farm, even better.
Important meeting in the morning
Whether it’s a key meeting or an important presentation, worrying about what will happen tomorrow is a major stressor that keeps us awake.
It makes sense. “Your brain will replay the meeting until it feels confident everything will go well,” says Gibson. This seems helpful, but it creates a lot of mental noise. Gibson suggests setting aside time to mentally replay the meeting in the afternoon and jot down key points, thereby getting it out of your mind but ensuring you don’t forget anything.
“The rest of the night, do physical activities that involve hand-eye coordination,” he recommends. Progressive muscle relaxation, where you meditatively release tension in each part of the body, also helps.
“Keep a notebook by your bed in case more thoughts come to you and you need to write them down,” she suggests. “Visualizing the meeting positively doesn’t hurt either.”
The work hotel is not comfortable
Sleeping away from home can be pleasant, but if it’s a work trip where you have to wake up at a certain time, you may wake up frequently during the night, a side effect of our bodies being overly alert.
“Scientists have identified the ‘ First Night Effect ‘ phenomenon, which means that sleep will be disrupted on the first night in a new environment,” says Gardiner.
In addition to worrying about not hearing your alarm, your brain subconsciously scans your environment for new threats, such as the sound of the air conditioner or the light from the television in the dark.
The worst part is that, according to the First Night Effect, no matter how comfortable and elegant the hotel is, you probably won’t sleep well.
Gardiner advises winding down before bed, replicating your usual routine as much as possible, whether that’s taking a bath or listening to music while you walk. Avoid spending the entire night in your room: “The hotel room should be a sanctuary reserved for sleep, not for watching Netflix,” she recommends.
Bad manners with work email
The world is now global, and that has its advantages. But if your client works in a different time zone, you might receive emails after you’ve already finished your workday. Even if this isn’t the case for you, you’ve probably received a message from your boss after hours. Either way, these interruptions at a time when you should be relaxing can disrupt your sleep.
“ Receiving work emails after dinner can be a major stressor,” says Gibson. “They can activate your work mindset and raise your anxiety levels just when you should be switching off.”
Instead of relaxing, we become active again. The solution is to set clear boundaries with yourself and others.
“ Set healthy boundaries by creating an ’email-free zone’ at least an hour before bedtime to allow your mind to disconnect from work,” Gibson recommends. “Communicate this boundary with your colleagues so they know you won’t be available during your time.”
Put your devices on silent mode to reinforce this. And if you absolutely can’t avoid it, consider storing your laptop and phone in another room, or ask your partner to keep them out of sight and out of mind.
Overeating
Relaxing before bed isn’t easy, especially because it’s not always bad news or work that robs us of sleep. Sometimes, the problem is physical and self-induced, like a heavy dinner or a celebration where we overate. Maybe it was a holiday meal, a birthday dinner, or you simply tried a new restaurant and left feeling overwhelmed. Whatever the reason, an oversaturated digestive system doesn’t help you sleep well.
“Eating late at night, especially heavy meals or those accompanied by alcohol, forces the body to focus its energy on digestion when it should be preparing for rest,” Gibson explains.
A drink before bed isn’t a good idea. While alcohol may relax you initially, it interferes with REM sleep and can cause you to wake up during the night while your body processes it.
“It’s best to avoid sitting down immediately after eating,” advises Gibson. “Opt for a gentle walk to aid digestion and stabilize blood sugar levels.”
You can get off the subway one stop early or walk a couple of extra blocks. When you get home, try the box breathing technique: inhale, hold, and exhale, each phase for four seconds. This relieves tension, aids digestion, and prepares you for sleep. And if all else fails, keep antacids handy.
Discuss politics with your loved ones
It’s fine for older generations to hold firm to their opinions. The tricky part is when that means they’re unwilling to consider other perspectives, and the debate ends in a bedtime argument.
After an intense fight, tension lingers in the body and mind. “Taking out your anger by punching a pillow and then practicing calm meditation can help release pent-up stress,” says Gibson.
The physical discomfort we feel after an altercation can lodge in places like the jaw, neck, or shoulders, making the expression “someone is a pain in the neck” literal. This tension prevents the body from relaxing and prevents us from falling asleep.
You can try the progressive muscle relaxation technique, or practice 4-7-8 breathing :
- Inhale through your nose for 4 seconds.
- Hold your breath for 7 seconds.
- Exhale forcefully through your mouth for 8 seconds, making a “whoosh” sound as you release the air and tension.
And most importantly, promise yourself that you’ll never again engage in a political debate right before bed.