Good sexual performance: how to achieve it? This situation may sound familiar to you: during flirting, the question arises about how good you are in bed. The reaction I’ve seen most often in the years I’ve been dealing with sexuality professionally is a nervous laugh followed by the affirmation that “there have been no complaints.” Many people are left with that question and reflect at home: “Am I really good? Five years ago, I lasted longer. I wish I had more confidence. What if my ex was faking it? I don’t know.” Questions and fears that many people could relate to and that are as human as the need for tacos after a night at the club.
Maybe you feel the need to optimize your sexual skills. If so, welcome to my great guide on “How to Have Better Sex” with your coach, Mimi Erhardt. Here, you’ll learn all about the essential fundamentals, small improvements, and moves you can use to get your partner addicted to foreplay with you.
Basics for sexual performance
Before we get into what you can do to your sexual partner‘s body, let’s talk about you. Leaving aside individual tendencies like the cult of muscles in bed, we have to admit that a fit body makes our sex life much better.
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- It goes without saying for gym-goers, but for everyone else: to last longer in bed and improve your sexual performance, your heart needs to be in top shape. Regular exercise, preferably outdoors, works wonders. You can also join a cardio program at your favorite gym; eat a healthy diet and moderate your junk food intake, at least cut down on nicotine and alcohol, and voilà, the perfect pre-sex workout.
- Pelvic floor training for men. With appropriate exercises, you strengthen your pelvic floor muscles, which improves blood circulation in the penis. For those who finish too soon during sex, a stable pelvic floor helps control the ejaculation reflex if your partner takes a little longer to reach orgasm.
- I saw a 2015 study that found daily caffeine consumption reduces the likelihood of erectile dysfunction. Two to three cups a day are said to improve sexual performance.
- Reduce stress. Easy said, not so easy done, right? Chronic everyday stress increases cortisol levels, which causes long-term health problems. Furthermore, this stress hormone reduces the amount of testosterone in the body, which is why it’s considered a libido killer. The result can be erection problems and/or difficulty reaching sexual climax. What can you do? Exercise helps. So do relaxation techniques like meditation or yoga. You can also try medicinal herbs like ashwagandha. Among other things, it helps reduce elevated cortisol levels.
Proper mindset during sex
The pressure to be aroused and perform well during sex weighs heavily on men in particular. They’re also expected to be alpha specimens who know exactly where a woman’s G-spot is and how to most effectively stimulate the clitoris. Not to mention the fact that they must shine visually with elite-athlete abs and an XL penis, and ideally be able to have sex all night.
There’s also a whole host of insecurities: how intense can I be during sex? Of course, everyone raves about kinky practices online, but how does it all work in practice? Should I ask permission beforehand, or am I making a fool of myself in the eyes of my sexual partner?
In other words, for many men, sex is associated with an extreme sense of control. As a traditionally active partner, the man must be in charge, initiate the act, control it, be dominant, talk dirty, and spank, while the other sexual partner is allowed to surrender and give in. For many, being passive and giving up control is still synonymous with showing weakness and not being a “real man.”
And this is exactly where a lot of potential is being given away. During sex, we can reveal aspects of ourselves that we hide in everyday life. Provided, of course, that we’re with a partner we trust and with whom we’re willing to open up. Good sex doesn’t just mean meeting each other’s needs; it’s also about thinking about oneself. Good sex means communicating your desires and quirks and, ideally, being able to live them out. And as a man, you can also be passive/devoted/dedicated/tender/eager/soft/emotional and give up control—try it.